Why I Don't Hate Valentine's Day...

... anymore

But I used to.  Oh I used to. 

I don’t buy the whole argument that you don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because it’s a “commercial holiday” made up by the evil, evil Sees Candy and Hallmark Corporations to sell more cards and candy and make us feel bad about ourselves.  No, you hate Valentine’s Day for the same reason that everyone else hates Valentine’s Day.  Because just like little Summer— the only mixed girl in a class of Espirit wearing Asian and White girls, with their long hair and white Keds.  Summer, a half foot taller than all the boys with her little shaved halfro and homemade dresses—just like little Summer, you got rejected on Valentine’s Day every year of your school going life.  You didn’t get as many Valentines as your “best friend.”  The boy you liked avoided eye contact with you all day as you searched your little brown paper Valentine bag for something from him.  Nothing.

And as you got older and the people “going together” started asking each other to the Valentine’s dance, no one asked you.  Or maybe someone did ask you but it was that dorky guy from your French class who looked like Doug from the cartoon.  

Ok. My Valentine’s Days didn’t always suck.  But I like to believe it always did because it is totally lame (especially in the Bay Area) to have great memories of high school, prom, or Valentine’s Day.  Yes, friends.  I hated it.  Just like you.

But I don’t anymore.  I didn’t get some loving, thoughtful romantic boyfriend.  I didn’t start working for Hallmark or Sees or become a producer on ‘Say Yes to the Dress.’  I didn’t even develop some new kind of self-confidence that allows me the  enlightened perspective to live above the needling voice that tells me there’s something wrong with me for not being married already. 

I don’t hate it anymore because I think of all my girlfriends and their relationships.  They work so hard.  Both of them work so hard.  And even in the most loving supportive relationships—which few people have the good fortune to be in anyways—we forget to show our love for each other.  Our good night kisses become exhausted pecks.  Our ‘I love you’s sound hollow and obligatory.  Our date nights we spend grocery shopping… at the expensive store.  All of our interactions are reasonable.  Our plans are thought out well in advance.  

Then Valentine’s Day comes around.  And for those of us that have spent the majority of our lives in relationships where we were taken for granted, where I guy wouldn’t even admit he was dating us let alone enlist our best friend in picking out the perfect flowers or piece of jewelry.  For those people, Valentine’s Day was a day for that person-- that we knew really cares about us-- to make up for being an asshole for the whole rest of the year. 

On Valentine’s Day your reserved, over-worked wife or girl friend has an excuse to break out the sexy lingerie, which she has kept from doing before because she doesn’t want you to get used to it.  Your reasonable partner can blow way too much money on dinner for the 2 of you.  The shitty “artist” boyfriend of yours writes you a song.  Valentine’s Day is the day the person who needs an excuse to make a fool out of themselves for you, because they love you gets that extra societal nudge to get off their ass and make you feel special.